Saturday, November 22, 2008

Obama Promises 2.5 Million Jobs

That sexy President-elect Barack Obama has devised an economic stimulus package that he says will produce 2.5 million jobs by 2011. Mr. Obama stated in his Saturday radio address that the US is “…facing an economic crisis of historic proportions."

Maybe if the Democrats had not demanded that banks give mortgages to people who were clearly not qualified, the wheels would not have come off of our economy. The lizard has learned through anonymous sources in the Obama camp that he is going to create a new cabinet position, Secretary of Entitlements. The new “SECENT” will insure that home loans, car loans, furniture loans, and anything else he can think of, will be taken over by the government. The United States will be divided up into Entitlement Districts, much like Congressional districts. Each district will have a staff of Entitlement Agents whose sole job is to hand out entitlements, like cars and homes.

After the government buys out defaulted home loans, the Department of Entitlement will give the homes away to people. Sound like a great idea? Maybe, until you learn that the taxpayers, whose money the government used to buy the homes, are now required to pay rent in the form of an “entitlement tax”, of the course the people occupying these homes are exempt from this tax because they are [entitled]. A car is also included, in fact one for every two drivers in the entitlement house, this will cause what is known as “entitlement stacking” where as many as twenty people occupy a single dwelling in order to live for free and get more cars. Naturally the entitlement tax will also be used to pay for tax, tags, auto insurance and those pesky electricity, water and garbage bills.

Now here’s the bad news, some, but not all, of the entitled will be required to work [the 2.5 million jobs dummy]. Most will be employed as Entitlement Agents, valiantly defending the right to entitlements. The rest will form Obama’s own version of the Brownshirts. The Civilian Defense Force (CDF)… charged with valiantly defending those who valiantly defend the right to entitlements.

[Note to readers: Does it terrify you that Obama is against personal gun ownership, wants to cut the defense budget, but talks about forming a domestic quasi- military force comprised of armed civilians with the budget and equipment equivalent to our armed forces?] But I digress.

Here’s more good news, the entitled are required to unionize, they will form the Union of Entitlement Recipients, or the UER. The UER will immediately make demands for more benefits and less work. The CDF will naturally support these demands because they are all union members, and let’s not forget, they are heavily armed civilians that fall under the SECENT, not the SECDEF. The “less work more pay” strategy of the UER will result in taxpayer subsidy of college tuition, health care, and any other expenses that are incurred by the entitled.

We still don’t know who the Secretary of Entitlements will be, have any ideas? I’m thinking Michelle Obama.

Have a nice day…you’re entitled to it.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Where are you getting this information?

Lori

Lizard in Exile said...

Lori,

If I had the ethics of Ohio's Helen Jones-Kelley, I'd tell you. But until then my sources remain confidential.